Sangeeta was having her monthly bad days and regular uneasy stomach cramps, so wanted to finish all work quickly and rest.
After waiting for 15 mins for her husband to unlock the bedroom door- Knock Knock …. Knock Knock
Wife - “lunch is ready, come soon it will get cold”
Husband - “coming!”
(Her mother in law insists her to try again)
Husband with irritation - “I said I am coming, don’t knock again”
After few minutes
Husband -“Sangeeta! Sangeeta! Come in the room for a minute.”
Sangeeta goes into the bedroom obediently. Her husband goes out after 5 minutes and sits for lunch. Sangeeta cleans herself up, removes the cd her husband was watching behind locked doors, keeps it away from children and mother in law’s reach and lies down on bed pretending to sleep but fails to stop the tear that rolls down her nose. She has lost all appetite.
Maya always insisted that her husband should switch off the lights. She had somehow managed to fake moaning but could not mask the expression of disgust on her face and the moistness of her eyes.
Preeti was happiest when her husband was out on long tours, even if he was in Bangkok for that matter. For her it meant a break from having to pretend to enjoy an act that had nothing for her pleasure in it.
I asked them all just one question. Why don’t you raise this issue with your husband? Why didn’t you discuss and demand your pleasure? Why don’t you say “No”?
All answered on the same lines “Are you crazy? We are not feminists. A woman can’t talk about these things. Plus they are our husbands, it’s their right. It is in our culture to listen to our husbands. It is just as regular a duty as cooking. It’s always just better to get over with it.”
Is it really so? Do we really need to be hard core feminists ask for what we rightfully deserve as human? Is that how a woman is pushed to become a feminist in the first place?
Well this is the bitter reality and we should talk about it. Please ask yourself, if you are a woman, are you encouraging or tolerating this and if you are a man, are you committing it knowingly or unknowingly?
While rape is an issue most of us truly condemn and have serious opinions about, this practice of consensual rape silently subsists in marriages. Leave aside the fact that there is no law to allow a woman to use this as a ground for divorce; the more disturbing fact is that most women except this as a part of being married. They bear it as unemotionally as the pain of waxing or threading.
Men need to deal with their wives saying ‘no’ for sex on demand. But a silent reality is that women fear that their refusal gives their husband a justified reason to sleep with someone else.
Why do we fear that? Does marriage bring down our self esteem to such low levels?
Wives pretending to be asleep, pretending to be sick, faking a headache to avoid sex, all this sounds funny in jokes, but why is it so common, is never questioned. A woman is termed a slut if she directs a man for her own pleasure. At times mothers tell their daughter that this is how it is, live with it, it’s no big deal.
Do not get me wrong when I talk about this issue. I by no manner mean to say that all marriages are like this. Some beautifully connected and communicating couples I have come across who respect each other. There are many wonderful men out there that I know of, who are extremely sensitive and open to such talks and I admire them for being so. However, if a man is man enough to discuss with his wife what she wants and respects her space when she doesn’t want it, then he is termed a sissy by his colleagues.
We don’t speak up because we are shy, because we don’t want confrontation as we are unable to speak out loud the words required to be said in such discussions. We push the dark emotions somewhere behind the corner of our mind and live as if they don’t exist.
We simply ACCEPT and UNDERSTAND that this is a man’s need and this is our duty. I am sorry if I am repetitive in my words but I am shy to use the words such as orgasm, horny, fuck to make my point in this article. I am not a feminist. But can’t a normal woman with Indian values and culture say no to her husband?
I frankly do not expect opening the eyes of all those men with this article but I do request you silent wives to stop giving your consent for this rape. Recognize, that if the emotions you feel immediately after the act are similar to that of a raped woman, then you have authority to address it. No one can do it for you. Speak out. Please stop this Consensual Rape. It does not have to be either bearing with it or divorce; there will be a middle way if in the first place you accept that there is a problem. In fact it will make your marriage healthy and content for both.
If you don’t tell your husband how will he know? If our pretense is what they believe to be true, then we too are responsible for the act. It may be as awkward for him to ask you about it as it is for you to tell. Initiate the talk, you will be surprised how open and sensitive your man can be.
I agree that keeping your marital life peaceful is of primary importance, but you do not need to offer your soul for sacrifice and definitely not your body.
Marital rape is a form of domestic abuse that is never spoken about, infact mostly not considered as a reason to stand up against by the women it self.
- By MEHAK MIRZA PRABHU