I don’t know from where to start for, my life is been a season of episodes which never started without a mistake since my brain sprouted enough to understand how life works. I confess a couple of such mistakes here.
Primitive amateur school going mind had deep rooted sight on a shop of sweets on the way home. The inferiority feeling of whether I deserve asking coins for some sweets made me not speak about it anymore.
I followed all the way, swirled around your legs at every step of yours, mom. I sprang at you, the very moment I heard your movement. I was so close to you. I was a part of your routine. I accompanied you on shopping and loved your company. You were found smiling all the while. I was kissed by you with love and compassion. I felt warm at your hugs. The time I spent with you was all worth realising mom’s love but for me, it was worth exploring home to find the place of coins.
I watched out for the place where coins are stored while being a part of your routine. I had betrayed you. But you innocently trusted me with love and compassion. A son of family filled with humane values buried them for some sweets. But for me it was an adventure and fun. A sweet shop had completely erased good habits which were taught at home before learning the same at school.
Unknowing the meaning and feeling of guilt, I looked for ways to get the coins from the explored place. I tried many ways which went in vain for which I continued to be around mom for shopping and grab a coin on two while with her, secretly. I tried for it many times but failed at every single attempt like I’m failing in engineering now. Is this the fate, the karma?
Finally I made a master plan while on bed one night. I was excited to attend the school next day. Mom loved my enthusiasm and blessed me to be a responsible human. My brains were not grown much to understand what she said. At school it was the class before break time when I was felt quite uncomfortable. I became sad and inactive. I went to drink water again and again. I frequently visited washroom.
My teacher asked me if I was okay. I couldn’t respond for which madam asked me to rest for a while. I was shifted to rest room by school maintenance staffs as I was asleep. It was break time when I was woken up by the school bell. My class teacher said me to go home and asked if I needed any maintenance staff to drop me by. I thanked her and said, “I’ll reach by myself madam. Thank you”.
I knew the fact that Mom had plans to meet their friends at that time. The telephone at home wasn’t answered as my mom wasn’t home. Thus my mom wasn’t informed about my condition. Thinking all this, I reached home. I got keys from the neighbour and went in. Soon I was at the locker which mom never used to lock. I got two coins and ran to the shop which was on the school way. I purchased a sweet and went home to enjoy eating it. I did enjoy every bit of the sweet and slept as had to act sick to report my early reach from school.
The plan worked. This made me feel great. In was proud and was insanely happy for the job I did. Since my adventure was not yet known to my mom, I was never guilty. By the way, the sweet was more delicious for the painful adventurous story behind that.
Today at my 21st year of life, I am filled with a load of thoughts on this incident. My mom would definitely have had given me more sweets if she knew my desire on sweets. Her unconditional love was misused by me. I grew up a shit, being a thief at kid age.
I had made fool of my teacher too who was next to my mom. I was taught morals by her. I used to call her madam. But madam was a synonym of mom which my mom had taught me at home. I had betrayed her too. Her belief on me was immense. It is all too late to be sorry for the betrayal but confessing would lighten my heart and make me guilt free to some extent.
Back in those days of my childhood, I was grown up a little and had too much of brains already. I was believed a lot at home as the act of theft remained unknown to my parents. I was often asked to bring few kitchen items and gave me money for that. Most of the kitchen items I was asked to bring were vegetables and leafage. Since they had no fixed price, I fulfilled my desire on eatables for few coins in the money given to me. At home I said the price of items, adding the cost of the eatables I consumed.
Confession time is the most valuable one. It brings out the smallest looking sins from deep within. Again I had cleverly betrayed my parents. It was still a clever act for me as I was not caught for that sin. If I was daring enough to ask for it, my parents would surely have purchased more sweets than I had cunningly stealth money for.
The courage I have come up to confess has made me look cheap at myself. This confession is worth realising the value of parents’ belief and love since our birth.
My growth was unknowingly deteriorating in terms of morals and values. Evilness was deep rooted by then, where my desire on eatables had seen a growth from food to goods. That was the phase where we were asked to use pen for writing. The pen was a new attraction. The pen I was given by my dad was way too unattractive than that of my classmates. Pens with extreme good looks were found around me. This built an inferior feeling in my mind for which I started hating those who had greater pens. They were all my friends before.
My mind always guided me to steal the pen from them while they were away. Since I couldn’t steal as they would catch me red handed, I waited for them to get distracted. If they were not, I tried to distract them. After many failed attempts, one day I succeeded in getting the pen from one of my bench mates. I was happy that day. All the way home I dreamt of writing with that pen. I secretly used the stolen pen at home.
The days passed on and one fine day my mom asked me about that pen which she got while cleaning my room. I was shocked but I had one weird idea which I said her to escape from the situation. I said that my classmates gifted me this new pen on my birthday. Luckily it was my birthday a few days ago. My mom kissed me with a smile. She was happy with the kind of friend circle I had. She believed my cooked up story.
Today I neither remember the pen nor do I remember where I lost my pen along with it. But the guilt killing me for stealing my friend’s pen lives till eternity. Even that friend does not know who stole his pen. I apologise, for being a thief beside him. His belief on me was misused. I lied to my mom also. She was happy for him that day. But today she’ll definitely be broken if she learns his son’s betrayal.
My dad would have purchased me a more beautiful pen if I had asked for it. But the inferiority complex of whether I deserve a more stylish pen made me a thief.
It took more than 10 years to confess my mistake and be guilty for my shameful acts. If time travel existed, confessing many such mistakes to each individual would have been my first mission. And this platform served a part of that mission.