Confession: For the last time…..
Yesterday I saw you weeping alone in my room. I tried to dig the reason. You were holding a small sized photo frame displaying us. I felt like criminal. I was tossing and turning all the night even you were……
My confidence for being unfaithful is declining now. You know everything now but still just because you love me , you never quit. I can’t hold you like this now. You deserve to be happy and I deserve to carry on with my guilty life. I am at fault so only I should be punished not you. I don’t love you but I respect you. I wish I would have never met You- you timid small town girl. I still remember your long stubborn hairs were trying to cover your face , your white shalwar-kameez along with red duppatta almost stole my heart. You were looking beautiful and exceptionally beautiful for me. I along with my blubbering friends were covering the stair case and you suddenly appeared. My friends looked at you and asked for introduction. You were stressed and hesitant. They all laughed at you and you left the place. I saw your big eyes were flowing. It was the first time I hurt you, I made you cry. I promise sanjana from today I will never be reason for your tears.
I still remember when you disclosed the reason behind proposing you. Yes sanjana I got the challenge to propose you and it was bet of 10,000 rupees. I hurt you for second time but honestly, I swear I really loved you at that time. I was scared to lose you but at that point I got to know that you loved me more than I have ever thought and from that day till now your love graph never fell down but I let you down many times. You didn’t leave me alone. You continued with me with all your hope that I will change and will never hurt you again. Everything was going good between us. We were living together and one day you got a call from your parents. Your parents were engaging you with some well rich guy. You asked me for taking stand. I was scared of situation, you asked me to get married but I asked you for time and with no if and but you agreed. You showed trust in me. You stood against your parents for me. They left you because of me. I have seen you weeping alone, missing your parents,family.
As time passed, the small town girl was no more timid now.You were achieving the height of success and were been appreciated everywhere. I felt proud. But when this proud changed into jealous and insecurity , I never recognized. I tried to avoid my feeling but it was in vain. I forced you to leave your job but it was first time you denied my words. I know I was wrong, I was wrong everywhere Sanjana. With more your achievements and my fall in progress made me wrong. I started an affair with my office colleague. I thought you’ll feel jealous and insecure but nothing happen .My attempts changed into wrong steps. I fell for that girl , and you still loved me. I saw you checking my phones and networking sites. But you never questioned. You gifted me my favorite bike on my birthday. You never failed at your responsibilities and I never completed any one. It’s been 7 years we are living together without any marriage issue. I know wherever you see any married couple you think of us. You still believe that one day I will give you everything, I will love you back,I will be back as I was. But it’s too late Sanjana. I know yesterday the paper next to you on bed was my AIDS report. But still you cuddled me today morning in the same way you do every day. No change was visible. Why Sanjana? Why this much of love for a person insane like me? I hurt you every time, every moment. I cheated you for your every concern. I gave you pain in return of your selfless love.
And if I continued with you like this I will die of guilt instead of this disease. I don’t love you but I adore you Sanjana. I want you to spend a better life than the present hell. I am hurting you for the last time. I never repent for my any deed. My male ego never allowed me but today I beg for forgiveness. I am sorry Sanjana. I am hurting you for the last time but this time not for myself but for your future and happiness. Sorry Sanjana I have to leave you not as a punishment for you but as mine. Not at your fault but at mine.You are my most beautiful memory. I am sorry…goodbye.